Or as kids call it these days - the "DEI Statement"... I know - them dumb kids, don't know how to spell "die" LOL... 

Diversity: We are committed to ridiculing a diverse range of opinions held by diverse groups of people. Diversity is our strength and their weakness. We also tried to make our water more diverse, but every time we added a molecule of color to our formula, it became something other than water. We are sorry. We’ll keep trying.

Inclusivity: We are committed to providing our customers with the most inclusive beverage on the planet: people drink it (both white and “of color”), animals drink it (actual and “furries”), even plants drink it (except the plastic ones.)  And if they don’t - they will D I E ! (Follow “the science!”)

Equity: We are committed to promoting its true meaning - the money value of a property or of an interest in a property in excess of claims or liens against it.  All other definitions are so confusing, vague, and/or controversial.


Do you want to support a business that shares your values?  Finally, you have a bottled water brand that does!   

Sane? Enjoy taking the p!$$ out of woke culture? Need hydration?  Now you can put Woke Tears™ where your mouth is!


Our award-winning unique formula is H₂O - it’s binary! You know, just like humans.